Every week, Dear Prudence answers additional questions from readers, just for Slate Plus members. Ashley C. Ford is filling in as Prudie for Jenée Desmond-Harris while she’s on parental leave. Submit questions here.
Dear Prudence,
I’m an aspiring writer, and I’ve almost completed a good draft of what would be my first novel. A major plot line involves a couple in a fantasy setting who escape from a difficult cultural situation and fall in love with each other during the journey. It’s kind of a sexy and gritty romance, with some intense scenes where the characters aren’t sure they can trust each other because of their difficult lives. To be totally honest, it’s probably a little cliché, or at least I thought so.
A close friend of mine read my draft and told me that she thinks it’s a problematic portrayal of romance, based on trauma bonding and fuzzy consent. Her ideas for what to change feel to me like they would take the romance and sexual chemistry out of the story. I thanked her for her feedback and made a joke about it being for adults and not an instructional manual, but now I’m kind of in my head about the ethics of my writing. This is my favorite type of story, and I’m in a respectful and functional romantic relationship. It’s OK to write a romance that isn’t perfect, right?
—Problematic Problems
Dear Problematic Problems,
Of course it’s OK to write a romance that isn’t perfect, but imperfect and “problematic” are different descriptions. Your friend has one opinion on where your work falls, and she shared it with you, but that’s only her opinion. I couldn’t say if she was right or wrong without reading the work myself, but even then, I would only be offering you one other opinion. If you trust your own reading of this issue, then your friend’s opinion might be appreciated, but ultimately, moot. If you’re feeling a little unsure now, you could share the manuscript with a few more writers you trust, or even friends who read books in the same genre. I am also certain some people do this work professionally, and for a fee, will read your book looking for problematic themes specifically.
No matter how many opinions you gather, it could always be the case that there is no consensus. And again, the decision on what to do with your book will come down to you and your feelings. This is the burden of the artist who shares their work with the world. We are only human, and sometimes, we get it wrong. But if she wants to, an artist can always pick up her pen and try again. You don’t have to be right. You just have to be brave enough to be wrong, and then, go on anyway.
—Ashley
More Advice From Slate
For the better part of a year now I’ve been seeing an absolutely amazing man named “Ben.” He’s tall, gorgeous, gentle, mature, considerate, aesthetically sensitive, intellectually curious, and shares my love of culture and travel. He just proposed to me, and I accepted.
Ben has a darling almost 2-year-old son, “Toby,” and is the most joyful, loving and devoted father you could imagine. He told me that Toby’s mother, his ex-girlfriend “Starr,” was a terribly angry, bitter, spiritually ugly person, and when they had an unintended pregnancy, Ben and his family paid Starr to carry the baby to term and relinquish her parental rights.
